Abigail Fritz

My entrance into this world was 2 weeks early. The doctor didn’t bother to properly check my mom, and induced her while I was in a breach position. She managed to still have me naturally so I was mooning the world on my way out. The birth was so traumatic my parents decided that one was enough.

Being an only child isn’t always what people seem to think. Usually people make silly comments about how spoiled I must be since I didn’t have siblings. Not true… I grew up poor. My dad is super frugal and even if he was loaded he would live a simple life. He says that spoiled food gets thrown away and spoiled people go to jail. I remember one Christmas when I received alot of gifts and another when all I got was a doll my mom earned. The doll my mom earned for me was more special than a wealth of gifts.

My chilhood was a rather lonely one. I desperately wanted a sibling and even had an imaginary sister. We fought frequently. It’s always kind of struck me as odd that I would chose imaginary fighting, but it also shows that even back then I felt frustrated with life. My earliest memory is of me being in a dark room feeling alone and unwanted. I believe that memory stems from infancy.

See my dad was an only child for seven years before his first brother showed up. He remembers feeling a loss of love from his parents. Like he didn’t matter as much anymore. This had a lasting and dramatic effect on his childhood. From acting out against his brothers, to feeling jealous of his daughter. When my parents met and fell in love my dad finally felt like a hole had been filled. When I came along he suddenly reverted back to that time in his life where he didn’t matter any more. So he implemented a rule that no one was to hold me unless it was for a reason like feeding, dressing, and changing. He claimed that babies that are held too much become spoiled and he wasn’t raising a spoiled daughter. I have since learned that this behaviour towards babies has lasting implications. Such as struggling with intimacy and self worth.

This experience has taught me alot and has put obstacles in my life that I still struggle with to this day. When we try to satisfy our needs or desires outside of God we will always be left feeling alone and wanting. When we expect people to fulfill our needs and desires we end up feeling frustrated and betrayed. Not only is it unfair to rely so heavily on someone for fulfillment, it also sets us up for failure. Our hope is found in Jesus. If we have our focus on things of God and eternity then everything else pales in comparison. If we rely and trust God to support our needs it doesn’t matter what this world throws at us. Easier said then done though. I talk a big game and I get what I’m supposed to do but my application isn’t anywhere near what it should be. I’m a work in progress!